Well, it’s fair to say that the best form of discipline is preventative discipline. Preventative discipline techniques provide a safe, comfortable, fair place for kids to learn about God! They also make your class a fun place to be!
Here are some Common Sense Do’s & Don’ts of discipline to help you think through this difficult issue.
DO
- Do involve kids in making rules for your class; keep the rules simple and few and review the rules frequently.
Come up with three of four rules for the class. The rules should be about respecting God, the teachers, each other, and property. Involving the kids in the process makes them more aware of the rules, and because they’ve helped create them, they are also more likely to comply with them. - Do create a loving atmosphere where kids feel accepted ‘just the way they are’.
As adults, we’ll do almost anything for someone who consistently shows us love and respect. The same holds true with children. The better the teacher-child relationship, the more likely it is that teachers will receive co-operation and respect when they direct children toward certain behaviours and tasks. - Do learn the names of your kids and use them frequently.
- Do remember that you’re discipling children through discipline.
A good saying to remember is ‘God loves me just the way I am, and he loves me too much to let me stay that way.’ That’s the attitude children need to pick up from us – that we truly accept each child even as we challenge him or her to behave in a way that shows respect for God and for others. - Do find something to praise in each child.
One teacher said ‘The only thing I could praise was that he didn’t go home with me.’ That doesn’t count! Kids who are constantly reprimanded (and some are!) feel beaten up. We don’t ever want children to leave our churches feeling defeated. Make an effort to praise every child at some point during every class. Verbal praise, a gentle touch, or a knowing wink of the eye can be affirming to a child. When we affirm and cherish our students, we are modelling for them the kind of loving behaviour we’re trying to help them develop. - Do work at finding special connections with challenging students.
If you find yourself challenged by the same child repeatedly you may need to talk to him or her outside of class. There was once a two year old boy who was rarely disciplined by his parents. He would constantly kick and hit other children and teachers. No matter what the teachers wanted him to do, he was determined to do something else. Finally, the teacher began greeting the child at the door and telling him how excited she was to see him, and how she knew he was going to have a great day doing whatever the teacher wanted him to do and not kicking or hitting anyone. Surprise! His behaviour began to improve!
Another tactic is to involve uncooperative older children in some aspect of teaching the class. It may seem risky, but the results can be very positive. Preparing part of the lesson gives a child ownership, and when kids have invested something in the lesson, they become supporters rather than distracters. - Do rely on the power of prayer!
There’s nothing like prayer to help us in every facet of Sunday school teaching, including discipline! Write down the names of the children in your class somewhere you will see them and try and pray through the list regularly. Pray for God to give you ways to bond with all the children, even the more challenging ones. When you pray for a child, so many times you’ll find that God has done unusual and amazing things to draw you to that child – things that only God could orchestrate. God is faithful – pray and look for the answer!
- Don’t use threats you can’t or won’t carry out!
Promising dire consequences that never happen will only cause you to lose credibility with the class. Resorting to threats lets kids know that they’ve pushed your buttons and that you’re feeling powerless. Believe it or not, even preschoolers can figure this out!
- Don’t yell at children, ever.
Yelling tells kids you’re out of control and they will quickly tune out. On the practical level, some day there may be a serious situation in your class when you need to shout directions. Teachers who have to yell to be heard have nowhere to go when the need arises. Try and use a signal to get the kids attention, clap a rhythm that they have to repeat, ring a bell or make up another cue for those times when things get out of hand.
- Don’t give directions in the form of questions unless you are willing to let the children choose.
When you ask the question ‘Would you like to site down and listen to the Bible story now?’ the child has every right to tell you: ‘No thanks. I want to run around the room and scream.’ While no child would actually respond in those words, you can be that one or two will demonstrate that answer in their behaviour. If you want the children to sit down and listen, say ‘It’s time to sit down and listen.’ This also applies when administering discipline. Don’t ask the misbehaving child if they want you to call their parents. The answer, of course, will be ‘no’. Instead, give the choice of behaving or having you call their parents. When you give a child a choice, make sure you can live with the outcome. Keep the choices you offer in the realm of what’s acceptable to you. - Don’t shame or blame a child.
Shaming is easier to recognise that it is to define. Basically, any time a sense of scorn or scolding or lack of forgiveness comes from an adult, a child feels devalued. What the adult needs to do is discuss the inappropriate behaviour but make it clear that it’s the behaviour that’s undesirable, not the child. After you’ve helped the child understand what was wrong with his or her behaviour, it’s important to give the child forgiveness and hope. Help the child understand and verbalise how to choose the right behaviour next time, and express your confidence that he or she will do just that.
These hints and tips come from ‘The Discipline Guide for Children’s Ministry’ by Capehart, West & West
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